Alcazar the Woman Duper
by Sideshow Raquaelle
Summary: The Kung Fu Mystery Files story 8: Alcazar the Woman Duper. On their way back to earth Superted, Spotty, Magdalena the Vicuna, Yarnell the Deer, Jacob the Wolf, Kayloo the Zebra, Rebecca the Black Panther & Connie the Stork, their Guardians & their Pokemon crash land on a Planet where they meet Alcazar who is hiding something from Helena, the 20 friends must find out what is it.
1. A Crash Landing

**Chapter 1.**

 **A Crash Landing**

In the black void of space, flew an Alien Rocket carry Superted and Spotty. They had taken 6 of their DillyDale friends, their Guardians & their Pokemon for a visit to the friendly Planet Spot and now they were on their way home.

The DillyDale Animals who were with them were Magdalena the Vicuna, Yarnell the Deer, Jacob the Wolf, Kayloo the Zebra, Rebecca the Black Panther & Connie the Stork.

Their Guardians were Haos Aranaut [not Fabia Sheen's nor Captain Elright's Aranaut], Ventus Skyros, Darkus Percival, Pyrus Saurus, Pyrus Warius and Pyrus Ravenoid and these Guardians were in their ball forms.

And their Pokemon were Aipom, Sawsbuck, Litten, Weavile, Buizel and Fletchling.

"Spotty," said Connie, "It was lovely of you and Superted to take us on a visit to your home planet."

"And it was nice meeting your parents and sister too," said Ravenoid.

"I'm glad you enjoy it, Connie," said Spotty.

"How long until we have reached home?" asked Jacob.

"Oh, in about 10 more hours," said Superted.

Suddenly the Alien Rocket began to shake violently.

"What's happenig?" asked Magdalena.

"My lovely rocket," said Spotty, "It's got the staggers."

"Quick, everybody," said Superted, "Into crash positions."

Superted, Spotty, Magdalena, Yarnell, Jacob, Kayloo, Rebecca, Connie, Aipom, Sawsbuck, Litten, Weavile, Buizel and Fletchling quickly huddled together into a group and Aranaut, Skyros, Percival, Saurus, Warius and Ravenoid quickly folded into their ball forms. Spotty's rocket landed onto of a nearby planet.

The rocket bounced for a short period before coming to a complete halt.


	2. A Strange New Planet

**Chapter 2.**

 **A Strange New Planet**

The 20 friends climbed out of the Rocket and looked around.

"Where are we excalty?" asked Jacob.

"I was asking the same question," said Percival sitting on Jacob's head.

"I don't know," said Superted, "But it seems we have crashed landed on a strange new planet."

"Guys," said Spotty, "I have got some good news and I have got some bad news."

"What's the good news?" asked Magdalena.

"I have found the problem to what gave my Rocket the staggers," said Spotty.

"And the bad news?" asked Kayloo.

"It's going to take a few days fix my Rocket," said Spotty.

"WHAT?!" shouted Rebecca, Connie and Yarnell.

"Oh No," moaned Yarnell, "Me, Skyros and Sawsbuck promised Fireman Sam that we help him out at the Pontypandy Fun day."

"And me, Warius and Buizel we're going to spend Independence Day with Sonic," said Rebecca.

"No use groaning and moaning," said Superted, "Let's go and find somewhere to stay while the Rocket is being fixed."

After walking through a forest of trees the 20 friends came across a Roman – like – city and as the 20 friends entered the city, it looked abandoned because there was no one in sight.

"I don't see any civilians here," said Kayloo.

"I don't have a good feeling about this," said Saurus sitting on Kayloo's head.

"HELLO!" shouted Connie at the top of her voice, "ANYONE?!"

There came no answer so the 20 friends countined on through the city until they came across a huge castle.

"Wow!" exclaimed Spotty, "That castle is huge."

"Do you think somebody lives here Superted?" asked Jacob.

"Well let's find out," said Superted and he knocked on the door of the castle and the 20 friends waited for response.


	3. Meeting Alcazar & Helena

**Chapter 3.**

 **Meeting Alcazar & Helena  
**

The door of the castle open and there standing in the doorway was a cyclop wearing a blue and had dark purple hair.

"Greeting space travellers," said the Cyclops, "I am Alcazar."

"Hello," said Superted, "I am Superted."

"My name is Spotty," said Spotty.

"I am Magdalena the Vicuna," said Magdalena, "This is my Guardian Haos Aranaut and my Pokemon Aipom."

"I am Yarnell the Deer," said Yarnell, "This is my Guardian Ventus Skyros and my adoptive sister Sawsbuck."

"I am Jacob the Wolf," said Jacob, "This is my Guardian Darkus Percival and my Pokemon Litten."

"I am Kayloo the Zebra," said Kayloo, "This is my Guardian Pyrus Saurus and my Pokemon Weavile."

"I am Rebecca the Black Panther," said Rebecca, "This is my Guardian Pyrus Warius and my Pokemon Buizel."

"I am Connie the Stork," said Connie, "This is my Guardian Pyrus Ravenoid and my Pokemon Fletching."

"What's bring you all to Cyclopia?" asked Alcazar.

"Well my Rocket broke down," said Spotty, "And we crashed landed here and it's going to take a few days to fix my Rocket and we are looking for a place to stay."

"Come stay with me for a few days while you fix your ship," said Alcazar and he led the 20 friends to the main room of the castle, where there was a female cyclop, wearing a western-euro-dress, black tights and little purple pointy shoes and she had long ginger hair.

"Helena darling," said Alcazar, "We have some vistiors."

"How nice," said Helena.

"Nice to meet you Helena," said Superted, "I am Superted."

"My name is Spotty," said Spotty.

"I am Magdalena the Vicuna," said Magdalena, "This is my Guardian Haos Aranaut and my Pokemon Aipom."

"I am Yarnell the Deer," said Yarnell, "This is my Guardian Ventus Skyros and my adoptive sister Sawsbuck."

"I am Jacob the Wolf," said Jacob, "This is my Guardian Darkus Percival and my Pokemon Litten."

"I am Kayloo the Zebra," said Kayloo, "This is my Guardian Pyrus Saurus and my Pokemon Weavile."

"I am Rebecca the Black Panther," said Rebecca, "This is my Guardian Pyrus Warius and my Pokemon Buizel."

"I am Connie the Stork," said Connie, "This is my Guardian Pyrus Ravenoid and my Pokemon Fletching."

"Nice to meet you all," said Helena, "And welcome to Cyclopia."

A feeling suddenly came over Kayloo, Saurus and Weavile for they felt Alcazar was up to something.


	4. The Story of Cyclopia

**Chapter 4.**

 **The Story of Cyclopia  
**

"If this planet is called Cyclopia," said Skyros, "How come there's no other person in sight?"

"You want to know?" asked Alcazar.

The 20 friends nodded.

"It wasn't long ago," said Alcazar, "The people were happy and prosperous. But the eyeless Mole People grew jealous of our visual prowess.  
They fired missiles in all directions, hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. Things got hot.  
Just before the impact our smartest scientists saved one baby. Fortunately, I was a pool cleaner. And when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum, I was the only one left."

"It's so tragic," said Rebecca.

"Yes," agreed Alcazar, "But now I'll show your rooms."

Alcazar led the 20 friends to their bed chambers, where they settled in for the night.


	5. Persuading Helena

**Chapter 5.**

 **Persuading Helena  
**

The next morning the 20 friends were having breakfast with Alcazar and Helena. Superted, Spotty, Magdalena, Yarnell, Jacob, Kayloo, Rebecca and Connie ate pancakes while Aipom, Sawsbuck, Litten, Weavile, Buizel and Fletchling ate bowls full of Pokémon food.

"Great pancakes," said Superted.

"Yeah," said Alcazar, "They'll come in handy if I need to cover any manholes. Do we want to look like slobs?"

"No," said Helena. "Do these dishes," said Alcazar, "And organize my collection of naked celebrity photos."

"Look, Alcazar," said Aranaut, "We know you were living alone for a long time. Helena can sympathize. But she's not your maid."

"Aranaut is right," agreed Helena, "Butt I'll do the dishes."

* * *

 **Later:**

The 20 friends watched Helena put out the washing on pegs.

"Helena's experiencing a woman's greatest joy," said Yarnell.

"Yeah well," said Kayloo, "Me, Saurus and Weavile don't trust him."

"He's hiding something alright," said Jacob.

"And we are going to find out what is," said Superted.

"But how are we going to do that without Alcazar seeing us?" asked Spotty.

"We will find a way Spotty," said Rebecca.

"But first," said Warius, "We need to talk to Helena."

Agreeing with Warius, the 20 friends went to talk to Helena.

* * *

 **Shortly:**

"Alcazar's hiding something from you," Connie said to Helena.

"You may not like it," said Ravenoid, "Believe it or want to hear it. Alcazar's bad for you."

"I know," said Helena.

"You do?" asked Superted.

"If it's obvious to you all," said Helena, "Or course I knew! He's gross and treats me like a slave."

"Dump him," said Magdalena. "I can't," said Helena, "If I leave him, that's the end of the Cyclops race."

There came Toilet Flushing.

"Helena?" said Alcazar, "Mop – up in aisle number two!" "I'll break up with him at dinner," said Helena.

"We'll be there," said Rebecca.


	6. The Proposal

**Chapter 6.**

 **The Proposal  
**

At dinnertime Superted, Spotty, Magdalena, Yarnell, Jacob, Kayloo, Rebecca and Connie had steak and kidney pie with Alcazar and Helena, while Aipom, Sawsbuck, Litten, Weavile, Buizel and Fletchling ate bowls full of Pokemon food.

"Helena," said Alcazar, "Your slop tastes like crap."

"Dump him already," frustated Connie.

"I'm trying," said Helena.

"Hey, everyone," said Alcazar, "Jam a sock in your spit faucets."

Helena and the 20 friends stop eating and look at Alcazar.

"I used to spend nights renting slasher flicks with Rat and his girl," said Alcazar, "Then a beautiful woman arrived. She brought new hope for me and our civilization. A million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question: Helena, will you marry me?"

"No! No!" panicked Magdalena and Aranaut.

"Yes!" said Helena, "I will!"

"Bollocks," said Rebecca.

* * *

 **Later:**

The 20 friends watched Alcazar and Helena who were sitting on the sofa, discussing their plans for their upcoming wedding.

"What are we going to do now that Helena is engaged to Alcazar?" asked Sawsbuck.

"I've got an idea," said Superted, "While Alcazar and Helena are having their wedding; we will go and find out what Alcazar is hiding from Helena."

"Good idea," said Everyone else.

"And tomorrow is the day we get some dirt on Alcazar!" said Percival.


	7. The Discovery

**Chapter 8.**

 **The Discovery  
**

The next day, that was the day of the wedding, the 20 friends ventured into a forbidden valley, they came to a cliff and they gasped at what they saw.

"My God!" said Superted, "Four identical castles!"

"Each more identical than the last!" said Yarnell.

Splitting up into groups, the 20 friends went to the four castles to find out what was inside them.

* * *

 **Castle 1:**

Superted, Spotty, Connie, Ravenoid and Flechting went to Castle 1, everything looked exactly like Alcazar's castle until they came to the doors of the living room.

"Do you hear that?" asked Spotty.

"Hear what?" asked Connie.

"Yeah, what?" asked Ravenoid.

"It's sounds like someone grumbling," said Superted.

Superted, Spotty, Connie, Ravenoid and Flechting entered the living room and saw a three – eyed Rabbit and she was dressed in a wedding dress. When the three – eyed Rabbit saw Superted, Spotty, Connie, Ravenoid and Flechting, she went up to them.

"Excuse me," said the three – eyed Rabbit, "Have you seen Alcazar? And by the way my name is Tosha."

"Alcazar?" said Superted, Spotty, Connie and Ravenoid in unison.

"Yes," said Tosha, "We were going to be married today."

Smiles came across Superted, Spotty, Connie, Ravenoid and Flechting and Superted said:

"I think we know where Alcazar is."

"You do?" asked Tosha, "Where?"

"Follow us," said Connie.

* * *

 **Castle 2:**

Magdalena, Aranaut, Aipom, Yarnell, Skyros and Sawsbuck went to Castle 2, everything looked exactly like Alcazar's castle and castle 1 until they came to the doors of the living room. Magdalena, Aranaut, Aipom, Yarnell, Skyros and Sawsbuck entered the living room and saw a humanoid rat and she was dressed in a wedding dress too. The humanoid rat saw Magdalena, Aranaut, Aipom, Yarnell, Skyros and Sawsbuck and went up to them.

"Excuse me," said the humanoid rat, "My name is JoJo and have you seen Alcazar?"

"Alcazar?" said Magdalena, Aranaut, Yarnell, Skyros and Sawsbuck in unison.

"Yes," said JoJo, "We were going to be married today."

Smiles came across Magdalena, Aipom, Yarnell and Sawsbuck and Skyros said:

"I think we know where Alcazar is."

"You do?" asked JoJo, "Where?"

"Follow us," said Magdalena.

* * *

 **Castle 3:**

Jacob, Percival, Litten, Kayloo, Saurus and Weavile went to Castle 3, everything looked exactly like Alcazar's castle, castle 1 & 2 until they came to the doors of the living room. Jacob, Percival, Litten, Kayloo, Saurus and Weavile entered the living room and saw a female alien rhino and she was dressed in a wedding dress as well. The female alien rhino saw Jacob, Percival, Litten, Kayloo, Saurus and Weavile and went up to them.

"Excuse me," said the female alien rhino, "My name is Sandy and have you seen Alcazar?"

"Alcazar?" said Jacob, Percival, Kayloo and Saurus in unison.

"Yes," said Sandy, "We were going to be married today."

Smiles came across Jacob, Litten, Kayloo and Weavile and Jacob said:

"I think we know where Alcazar is."

"You do?" asked Sandy, "Where?"

"Follow us," said Saurus.

* * *

 **Castle 4:**

Rebecca, Warius and Buizel went to Castle 4, everything looked exactly like Alcazar's castle, castle 1, 2 & 3 until they came to the doors of the living room. Rebecca, Warius and Buizel entered the living room and saw a humanoid snake and she was dressed in a wedding dress as well. The humanoid snake saw Rebecca, Warius and Buizel and went up to them.

"Excuse me," said the humanoid snake, "My name is Anja and have you seen Alcazar?"

"Alcazar?" said Rebecca and Warius in unison.

"Yes," said Anja, "We were going to be married today."

Smiles came across Rebecca and Buizel and Warius said:

"I think we know where Alcazar is."

"You do?" asked Anja, "Where?"

"Follow us," said Rebecca.


	8. Alcazar Is Found Out

**Chapter 9.**

 **Alcazar Is Found Out  
**

"Do you, Helena, take this man to be your husband?" asked Reverend Lionel Preacherbot.

"I . . ." said Helena.

" **STOP THE WEDDING!** " shouted Superted as he and his 19 friends burst through the door. Alcazar, Helena and the wedding guests gasped and stared at the 20 friends.

"Hey, Alcazar?" said Connie, "You left somebody off the guest list."

Tosha came hopping through the doors.

"Why are you so late for our wedding?" she asked Alcazar, "And why do you have only one eye?"

"It, uh – Oh," said Alcazar, he morphed into a three – eyed Rabbit and said to Tosha:

"Hey, sweetie. Just go back to the castle and wait for me."

He turned back into a cyclops and said to Helena:

"I can morph into a three – eyed Rabbit, and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops, and I'm really going to marry you."

"Oh, yeah?" asked Saurus.

"Then what about this?" asked Kayloo as Sandy walked up and glared angrily at Alcazar.

Alcazar chuckled nervoulsy and morphed into a alien rhino.

"This is bit awkward," said Alcazar.

"Who's she?" asked Tosha pointing at Helena.

"Who's she?" asked Helena pointing at Sandy.

"Who are they?" demanded Sandy.

"Go back to the castle," said Alcazar.

"Prehaps you'd like to meet her? And her?" said Jacob as Anja and JoJo showed up.

Alcazar chuckled nervoulsy before turning to Helena.

"Helena," said Alcazar, "This must all be very confusing."

"A little," said Helena, "That's why Aipom, Sawsbuck, Litten, Weavile, Buizel and Fletchling will hurt you until you explain it."

"Aipom use Tail Whip!" shouted Magdalena. Aipom attacked Alcazar with her Tail Whip move.

"Sawsbuck use Energy Ball!" shouted Yarnell. Sawsbuck attacked Alcazar with her Energy Ball move.

"Show us your real form!" said Tosha.

"Yeah!" said Helena.

"Do it!" said JoJo.

Sandy picked up Alcazar with her horn and threw him, sending him crashing into the wedding feast table. And from the wrecked table amerged a male alien grasshopper.

"Well, this is the real me," said Alcazar, "But I can explain. We all have needs. I needed five weirdos to scrub my five castles. I gave you what you wanted and made money . . . letting Pig watch through a two way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing?"

"But why would you plan to marry women on the same day?" asked Jacob.

"You want the price to rent a tux that changes shape?" asked Alcazar.

"There is one more question that needs to be answered," said Yarnell.

"What?" asked Alcazar.

"If you can change form," said Skyros.

"Why not change it in the one place that counts?" asked Sawsbuck.

The 20 friends, Helena, the 4 women and all of the wedding guests did Boisterous Cheering.


	9. Back Home on Earth

**Chapter 10.**

 **Back Home on Earth  
**

The next day after Spotty had finally repaired his Rocket, the 20 friends were now back home on earth and Jacob, Percival and Litten were hanging out with Phineas, Ferb and Isabella.

"So you really went to a Strange new Planet?" asked Isabella while she stroked Litten.

"Yes," said Percival.

"And was Alcazar really a alien grasshopper?" asked Phineas.

"Yes," said Jacob.

"That must have been an awesome adventure you, Percival and Litten had, Jacob," said Phineas.

"It sure was, Phineas," said Jacob.

"And Alcazar could have changed form in the one place that counts," said Percival.

And Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Jacob, Percival and Litten all burst into laughing.

 **The End**

 **THE NEXT STORY WILL BE THE BOOK OF LIFE**


End file.
